February 22, 2002 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 15

bigtips

How do I survive giving a talk in front of hundreds?

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

Dear Big Tipper.

I was just informed that I will be making a presentation at a conference my company is putting on. I need to speak from a stage, which scares me to death, and I have no idea what I'll say or how I will survive this. I've never written a paper without a terrible feeling of torture, and they were never that good in the end. I have no choice, but I do need to survive. How am I going to do this? And what am I going to wear?

No John Leguizamo

Dear Speechless,

You'll be fine, sweets. Let's make a little plan, because one way to keep panic at bay is to have a nice clear sense of exactly what you are going to do.

Putting together an oral presentation is not the same as writing a paper, except that both benefit from an outline. Paper graders are sharking for errors, be-

cause they're trying to train you to produce better academic papers

interested with your first sentence, and close strong. Those are the two things they're most likely to remember.

Doing a literal reading of a prepared speech can sound stiff. If you can be a little impromptu, write your points and key phrases in outline form on note cards. Three-by-fiveinch cards are hand-sized. Write on one side only. Put big numbers in the upper corners of the note cards in case you freak out and accidentally shuffle them.

You don't say how long this needs to be, but definitely practice out loud before you hit the stage. It can just be saying it to yourself,

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in the future. People listening to a presenter at a conference usually want to like the speaker, and are probably just going to store impressions of what was said.

Starting today (do not put this off, because it only gets harder as the deadline grows closer), keep a piece of paper in your pocket on which you will jot notes about important points you'd like to make, and specifically, the wording you'd like to use. If a clever phrase flies through your head, throw the net over it now, or it'll be gone. daddy, gone.

An adequate amount of time before you actually have to speak-if you have to do research, that takes longer, right?--sit down with your crumply paper, and just sort out what you already have. Sometimes, the points you've thought of randomly will actually make a nice arc in and of themselves if you just put them in the right order. You'll probably have to think of a few more points to stick it all together. But that's easier than starting from scratch.

Here's another note. When a standup routine is being put together, or a relay team is being set, you put your second best first, and your very best last. Remember to get folks

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but check the time. Worry more about it being too long than too short. If you are supposed to be filling up a certain amount of time between other presenthave extra cards ers, (they can be a different color) with additional remarks you can make to stretch your stage time. Also highlight points on the regular cards that can be dropped without creating major discontinuity or confusion if you need to hasten your depar-

ture.

Being on a stage is good, because if there are any lights on you, it will be hard to see the people who are listening to you. Do not shield your eyes with your hand. It's not cool, and you don't want to see the people anyway. Even if there aren't lights, you have the option of speaking across the tops of people's heads and warmly engaging the always-supportive back wall. Just walk out when you are introduced (or whenever you are supposed to do your thing). shake hands and make nice eye contact with the person who introduced you. walk to the lectern or microphone and have at it.

Wear something that is neat, comparable to what your listeners are wearing, and not distracting. Unless you're a presenter at the Oscars, the focus should remain on what you're saying, not your Stephanie Kélian platforms.

Good luck!

Dear Tipper,

I think there should be some way to tell that sex is going to happen on a date before you actually go on the date.

I have probably spent weeks of my life

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preparing for dates that never proxide an audience for all of the trimming and shaving and plucking and nail clipping and perfuming that I've done.

Then again, I've gone out for what I thought was going to be a quick lunch during the work day, and wound up with my legs tangled up in a steering wheel, all the time hoping that I wasn't too smelly or that. I didn't have lint somewhere embarrassing.

I know that there's no way to ask out and out beforehand, but wouldn't it be good to have a phrase or a signal that we could use when we're making a date?

Dear Put Out.

Pubes All Trimmed and No Place to Go

Okay. I'm thinking pointing at one's crotch with one's eyebrows raised.

No?

Just because you can go to Google and, clickety-click. produce 439 lipsticks with the word carmine in their name doesn't mean other things are that efficient. Or should be. It seems to me that the only way you can guarantee you'll be having sex when you make a date is if the person gives you a credit card number. On the other hand, if you think she's worth trimming for, make sure she knows you're ready to go. If you're waiting for her to make the move, then it's your own darned fault you've suffered unnecessary grooming.

Meanwhile, keep a portable box of baby wipes in your bag. If things look promising, you might be able to pop into a bathroom and "freshen up." as they say in movies in which peignoirs feature prominently.

Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips. P.O. Box 5426. Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216631-1052. or e-mail 10

'a drizzle.com.

martone

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